Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
