You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
love makes seman taste better
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
