just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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