Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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