I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
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I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
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The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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