so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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