Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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