normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize