She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
