You don't have asthma, your pregnant
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
