This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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