Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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