isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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