No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
