someone threw a dead crab at me
Only a mothe r could love this liver
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
The adults are the big ones right?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
