Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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