You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
