so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
