I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
