Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize