If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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