Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
