So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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