I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
