Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
