You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize