i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize