He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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