Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
