I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Randomize
