so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
