at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
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I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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