Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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