And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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