the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
