you turned your livingroom into a bong?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
