I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
