Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
