i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
