I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
