During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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