i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
