They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
