just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
