am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
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if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
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Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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