I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
