I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
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