I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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