I smell stomach acid.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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