i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
