i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
