so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
