At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
