you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
