He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
