All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
