Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
