i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
