I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I think my fart just growled at me.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
