She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
