Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
