Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Acid is not a monday night drug
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
