Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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