come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
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I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize