It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
